Tweak and Beautiful Boy Book and Movie Review and Comparison

July 15, 2020

I'm thinking about getting clean again. He tells me it's a waste of time.
" What is life for, if not for living?"
"Is this living?"
"We're So Free"
"Sort of."

Tweak - Nic Sheff

Beautiful Boy is a movie based on two books, Beautiful Boy : A Fathers Journey Trough His Son's Addictions by David Sheff and Tweak : Growing Up on Methamphetamines by Nic Sheff. This is a about a father and his son who's addicted to Crystal Meth. The movie was released in 2018 and to be honest i watch it because of Timothee Chalamet. I guess by now you already know my recent crush already.

So, a bit of introductions, if you haven't read my full review about the book Beautiful Boy, you can read it here. So what would you expect from me in this post if i've already post about the book review? I decided to post this because not only based on Beautiful Boy by David Sheff, this movie, like i said before is also based on Nic's memoir Tweak. Since i've read both of them, i'm gonna talk more deeply about these two books also the movie in comparison. In order to do that, i'll do a quick review about the book tweak then compare these two books with the movie

Why bothers to read Tweak?

This book start when Nic relapsed after he's a year and half sober. He met again Lauren, his high school girlfriend who also has drug issues, when he was thinking about back on drugs in street and the journey of the relapse begins. It was shocking how many things happen to him just in few days of his relapsed. It's obviously he start writing his book when he relapsed because i can see his writing jumbling here and there following his mind, and when he sober his writing style slightly changes, there's less "whatever" there and less cuss words.

What we didn't get in Beautiful Boy book

If you only read the Beautiful Boy by David Sheff you probably still questioning why Nic being addicted to Crystal Meth and why he relapsed. By reading Tweak i got to know the background of his story. Nic starts his addiction by alcohol when he was 11, then smoke pot in his junior high school. Because of the divorce of his parents he get this sense of wanting to seek acceptance from every people around him, start from his dad his mom then his friend, eventually it gets overwhelmed and smoking pot was his way to take all the edge off, then he met crystal meth. And after that he addicted to meth and never stop to search that first high that he had the first time.

" Why don't you just stop?"
I couldn't stop. It's like i'm being held captive by some insatiable monster that will not let me stop. all my values, all my beliefs, everything i care about, they all go away the moment i get high.

In the book he also tell us that he sold himself to some gay just to get money for more drugs, which i don't think his dad knows it after he released his book beautiful boy because he didn't mention any of it in Beautiful Boy.

His Parents Divorce Hits Him Hard

David mentioned about this in his book, about it's probably his fault that Nic addicted to drugs. We can say that one of the reason.

I always felt so divided between the two of them. When I was with my mom in L.A. my allegiance was to her. When I was with my dad’s family in San Francisco my allegiance was to them. I always just wanted to make everyone happy, but then I completely tore everyone apart.

It is sad how each of them blaming themselves for what happened. It's an ugly truth. But it is a truth.

Nic has Bipolar Disorder. He has identity issues.

In Tweak he talked about why he relapsed after more than a year sober, he just didn't know what to do, he's not comfortable with his own skin, he hates himself a lot. He talks to other people easily when he's on drugs, when sober? it's hard.

I wanted so desperately not to be a child anymore. I always thought once i was an adult, independent, whatever, these feelings of hopelessness and despair would go away. Drugs and alcohol give me that feeling. .... Here i am, so old yet so young. Stuck, suspended somewhere in between adulthood and a child's fantasy.

He mentioned a lot about his identity issues, in his book tweak he told how close his friendship with his dad, treated him like an adult even at age nine. His dad usually goes with him to everywhere, party, concert, theater. He even watch a movie about a man who fall in love with transsexual in age of nine. Which probably one of many reason why he grow up too fast.

I’d sort of missed my own childhood, I was getting a chance to experience it all over again with them. Or, more importantly, to help give them the childhood I never had.

Jasper and Daisy (his step brother and sister) somehow remind him about his childhood or the childhood that he never had.

They are really their age. i was never my age. I always wanted to be older. I felt so inadequate being trapped in my small, prepubescent body. Jasper and Daisy seem very naive, but also comfortable with themselves. I'm still not comfortable with my goddam shelf. i don't know if i'll ever be..

I believe on of his identity issues that he need to overcome in order to stop hitting more drugs.

Book and Movie Comparison

The movie mostly focus on David's point of view although there is some part of Nic's Tweak in the movie. But this movie only focus on his first relapsed (actually not his first, but it's first in Tweak) and not the second although it's mentioned in the movie.

This Is Not Us, This Is Not Who We Are

I think the most eye catching scene in the movie is when David confront Nic about his addiction, asking about when he start it which drug he tried (turns out "every drug in entire planet" as he said).

This scene here is absolutely not in the book. Well...probably there about the confrontations, but not the exact words. But this absolutely show how desperate his dad about his son's addictions.

This is me Dad, here this is who i am.

Another Scene that also eye catching is when Nic meets his dad after he decided to leave house and relapsed. In this scene David asked him to back home while Nic only met him to asked for some money so he can move to New York.

A bit different from the book, in book Nic asked money via email so he doesn't live on street which David responds he will if Nic agrees to go to rehab, which Nic declines but few days later he called his dad anyway and agrees to grab lunch.

In the movie during the meeting in the restaurant, Nic got upset and said "I'm attracted to craziness, and you're just embarrassed because i'm was like your special creatures or something. and you don't like who i am now." and then he also mention that it's supposed to be his mom that got the custody instead of his dad.

I would say this is probably the highlight of Timothee's acting, it's so dramatic, the scene itself was taken about 20 times they said in the interview, i'd say it turns out super well.

God and Twelve Steps Meeting

The movie never mentioned about Nic's family religion, they actually not from family that never believe in God. David talked about it when he met someone that he interviews (for his job) and then they replied with God bless. And he said he didn't believed in God

"I wish I did, I wish I could put it in someone else's hands. Someone powerful and benevolent. But I don't believe it."
"You will believe in God before this is over,"

Nic also mentioned that he doesn't believe in God which also included in twelve steps meeting that is part of his recovery program

"I don't think this is going to work for me any better than last time, all the talk about God..."
"They say 'higher power,' not God. There's a difference."
" 'Higher power' is another way of saying God. You have to believe, and I don't. You can't get over this unless you believe."

This, believe or not become one of the reason Nic relapsed because he can't finish all the twelve step where the second step was to leave it to God (or Higher Power) for his problem. At almost the end of the book David ends up praying to God because he's so desperate about Nic's safety

I begin praying, pleading with a god I have never believed in.
"God, don't let him die. Please don't let him die."

That also happened to Nic, he asked a lot of God's help when he got desperate.

“God, I don’t believe in you, but now would be a good time to give us a goddamn miracle.”

He prayed for the first time when Lauren got OD and he gave her CPR and miraculously he saved her life.

The second time he prayed was when he feels he want to stop using meth

I am desperate. And so I cry and ask God for help.
“God,” I say. “Look, I don’t believe in you or anything, but if you’re there, I need your help. I can’t do this anymore. I’ll do anything. PLEASE.”

He was expecting something big like flash of light, burning bush, anything, but nothing happened except that he realized he need to call someone, he called his dad, and then he called his sponsor Spencer and end up going back to LA for recovery

It’s still very hard for me to believe in God, but I’m just too beaten up to fight it anymore. That’s always been my problem with the twelve-step program. There’s all this God talk, or Higher Power talk. I could never get past the third step, “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood him.” It just seemed like some religious cult or something.

He also almost relapsed again at time when he visit his mom house to take care of her moms dog. Suddenly he feels lonely and wanna go back to Lauren, at least he has Lauren back then, he got no one when he sober.

I know I’m going to go get high now. I want to. It doesn’t seem like there’s any real reason to live. I’m going to go be with Lauren and use until it kills me and then, well, that’ll be a relief, won’t it?

He start taking lots of grocery from his mom's when suddenly the his mom's dogs, Andy and Warhol trying to get his attention

“What the hell am I doing?”
“All right, fuck. God, please, if you are there, then, well, could you help me? I don’t even know what’s happening.”

Again he expect something happen but nothing. But obviously for me, God did help him via Andy and Warhol, without them he might be still trying to steal everything in his mom's house and relapsed again.

Nic prays a lot after that asking for God's guidance everyday.

So at work each day I ask God to be with me as I fold the towels, or answer the phones, or even just talk with the girls

I personally didn't mind that this part didn't really mentioned in the movie but it's always touching whenever Nic or David asking God for help. It just made me realized more how big God's role in our life.

Nic's Second Relapsed

In the movie, Nic start the first relapsed after years sober back home for holiday, meet Lauren when he was thinking about getting high, then he start taking meth again. Then Lauren almost died due to OD and Nic saved her life by giving her CPR then he called his dad begging to let him come home and his dad declines said that he can't help him and ask Nic to call his Sponsor instead. In the movie Nic didn't call his sponsor yet almost OD in the restaurant where he met his dad before.

Actually what happen is Nic did call his sponsor and back to LA, got sober for more than a year and got another relapse because of his long crush name Zelda which is not mentioned in movie, this second relapsed (this is not exactly second relapsed like i said before, it's just the second relapsed that Nic wrote in his book Tweak) was totally unintentional. It happened because Zelda gave him a drug when he got sick and he ate it then got high because of it. And can't get sober after that.

Nic went to his mom house to steal a computer after struggling for money for weeks because of the drug consumption he and his girlfriend did. His mom only give him choice to go to rehab or jail, which he choose rehab reluctantly because he didn't want to go to jail.

Nic's Blind Love to Zelda was the result of his bipolar disorder where he loves her because she got some similarity with his mom, also his identity issues because Zelda introduce him to lots of famous people, without her he didn't think that he'll reach that sort of life.

"I'm not good on my own, i mean, i am nothing"

Nic's Parent Visited In His Rehab in Arizona

I think the most touching in whole story in both book Beautiful Boy and Tweak is this scene, but sadly not included in the movie.

In Family weekend His dad and Mom arrived in the rehab and participate in class there. The most touching one is when they were in art class, when his dad and mom sit together with him to draw. His mom draws with watercolor of red balloon in dark sky, his dad were veins, Nic's was heart (not love cupid heart) with vein and full of "i am sorry" written whole page. They cried. a lot. Though in the interview before David was being skeptical said he was not really expecting a lot of change from Nic since it's not the first rehab he has been.

There's so much i want to say to them, but words seems like they could never express my sorrow and regret enough. Even just saying i'm sorry feels so meaningless - like i'm trying to put a Band-Aid on a shotgun wound.

Through the last rehab in Arizona, he discover his bipolar disorder and also know his own values. That's how he become sober. After the book released he relapsed again but not on drugs but from pills, but it was brief. And has been sober after that until now.

My Verdict

Watch the movie, not just because Timothee Chalamet is the cast of the movie like i did (even if so, what's the harm in that? haha) but because the message they want to say trough this movie. This drug addiction is an epidemic that becomes the leading cause of death for people under 50.

Read the book, both of them. I suggest you start with Beautiful Boy first then Tweak. But for precautions, Nic wrote Tweak with super honest story of him about his addictions, so explicit, organically true and sad. If you are underage please discuss it with your parents or older person about this book because it might cause some mislead.

Check out chapter one of my Book to Movie Adaptation Series below in case you missed it

Pages

Tweak and Beautiful Boy Book and Movie Review and Comparison

Why bothers to read Tweak?

What we didn't get in Beautiful Boy book

His Parents Divorce Hits Him Hard

Nic has Bipolar Disorder. He has identity issues.