Three Cs : You didn't Cause it, you can't Control it, you can't Cure it.

David was having a trouble to accept the three Cs that he got from AA and Al-anon meetings that he went, he and his wife Karen have lots of series of session with alcohol counselor who said that "one of the most difficult things about having a child addicted to drugs is that we cannot control it. We cannot save Nic"

No matter what people say David believe that it's his fault. It's is so heartbreaking to know how a child addiction also made the whole people around him affected, blaming themselves for the probability that they're the reason that cause it to be happen

I try to understand why Nic did it, maybe because of the divorce and the joint custody that made Nic have to share time between his mom and his dad probably depressing him. He said in the submits a column to the My Turn section of Newsweek :

"Maybe there should be an addition to the marriage vows, 'Do you promise to love and to hold, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live? And if you ever have children and wind up divorced, do you promise to stay within the same geographical area as your kids?' Actually, since people often break those vows, maybe it should be a law: If you have children, you must stay near them. Or how about some common sense: If you move away from your children, you have to do the traveling to see them. I am always missing someone."

It's quite heartbreaking for me to read when i read this, but it can't justify the whole things that Nic got himself into. It also heartbreaking when i read his dad point of view blaming everything that happen because of him.

Parents Want only good things for their children.

"Yet in mortal combat with addiction, a parent wishes for a catastrophe to befall his son." 

This sentence shows how desperate a parent can be, to make them hitting the bottom, so their children can realize and recover. Some even said they prefer their children to be in jail because it's more safe rather than out there doing whatever. How sad is that?

The morals that i take from this one is how big the struggle of a father facing an addicted child. They can't always blame the child because it can cause them hitting more and more to drugs, but also can't really believe every word they said because an addict can't really have control of what they've promised. Maybe they meant in when they said it at first but the later drugs take control of them anyway.

Addiction is a Disease

It took quite time to Nic to believe that his addiction to meth is a disease, because unlike people with cancer, they choose this disease. But this addiction is a disease than only can treat by recovery, but both illness if didn't get treatment, it will get worsen and they will die.

My Rating

I gave 5 stars read for this one. Surprisingly good, tho i didn't really expect much about this book at first, but i like David's writing style. At first page i can feel how cheerful Nic was, so we can see why his father struggle after the change of Nic behaviors because of the drug. He also add a bit of information about meth related in the beginning of each chapter not only the story about Nic, but also his own story about using drugs too.

I guess because David work as a journalist take part in his writing style, i really think this book is so informative in other hand, but also heartwarming because the way he talked about his past, how he question everything what had been wrong and everything. I can feel that he's not fully blame all that happen to Nic is solely Nic's fault but he also taking part of it. It's so heartwarming when David still didn't give up on Nic although lots of people said otherwise. 

I'll end this post by quoting Nic's letter to his little brother, Jasper. He was stealing his brother money when he relapsed. This letter he sent to Jasper a week after their vacation.

I'm looking for a way to say I'm sorry more than with just the meaninglessness of those two words. I also know that this money can never replace all that I stole from you in terms of the fear and worry and craziness that I brought to your young life. The truth is, I don't know how to say I'm sorry. I love you, but that has never changed. I care about you, but I always have. I'm proud of you, but none of that makes it any better. I guess what I can offer you is this: As you're growing up, whenever you need me—to talk or just whatever—I'll be able to be there for you now. That is something that I could never promise you before. I will be here for you. I will live, and build a life, and be someone that you can depend on. I hope that means more than this stupid note and these eight dollar bills.

This letter literally made me cry. Leave a comment or DM me, Let's talk.